legal

Should you want to schedule a meeting with one of our Executives, or you're just nosy and want to see our registered offices where  records must be kept (to adhere to local private company law), please don't just rock up at the listed address and expect to be assisted or to possibly even find anyone there besides our mail handling clerk, because you will be sorely disappointed. 

As we are an online business with a global footprint and a virtually hosted organisation with specialized product-sets, specialized certified technical skills and a very strong focus on cloud technologies and systems, we pride ourselves on having a workforce that is driven by earning potential and incentive, workload, personal ability and remunerated on an agreed scale for completed tasks and achieved targets, by monitoring active hours through machine learning and compute hours, active artificial intelligence, security and cognitive recognition systems, as is afforded to anyone with appropriate knowledge and use of such systems. We employ highly skilled specialists that create, build, generate and interpret the data that these systems affords us due to modern technological advancements. We do not write in red pen and carry calculators around, we do our business electronically on highly advanced systems.

Don't worry, for the technologically impaired individuals reading this, all it means is that our data and all critical systems are hosted outside the borders of our beautiful, but unfortunately crime-ridden country and is therefore  governed by and strictly under whichever country is currently hosting the clustered data, and where the system may have failed over to, which includes Northern and Western European countries, Australia and also Eastern, Western and Central States of the USA. Wherever the active node resides of the fail-over clustered set, is the jurisdiction and related regulatory information, communication and technology related laws that apply to anything information on that system.

These regions where our data-centers are located, ensure that we strictly adhere to their legislation should any information fall under their jurisdiction, at the time of any logged and time-stamped event that coincides with the recorded log of where the active fail-over node was hosted at the time the aforementioned event, and our data, security and storing compliance is in line with all relevant countries and their applicable privacy laws. Should any data-set recorded in Europe for instance, report an event and logged by agents monitoring the systems, that the data-set was active in the Central US at that specific time, due to possible GEO-redundant fail-over, the State in which the data resided in America would then have jurisdiction over same and their governing laws need to be adhered to, regardless if the data-set was retrieved from the node whilst it was active in Europe when gathering forensic information and/or data.

We know if you sell shower-heads and bathroom tiles for a living, this concept will be impossible to grasp, so we will try and make this as simple as possible by explaining rudimentary and basic network communications. The best way to say it, is that our electronic data is not governed by South African Legislation at any time, except for electronic transactions and/or records that have traversed internationally, via the internet or possibly via electronic mail or local GSM and Telecommunication infrastructure. 

These systems and/or infrastructure then also have to reside and function on at least Layer 1,2, AND 3 of the Open System Interconnect Model, on South African soil, to be legally intercepted by the South African government and the recipient's system has to comply with all 7 layers to be lawfully considered a data-set accepted under South African jurisdiction (Of which The Regulation of Interception of Communications Act and The Electronic Communication and Transactions Act is most notable, should you want to reference local legislation)

Wait, maybe we should use pictures to explain this. Our venture capitalists have recently received email from a complainant that could not spell or write in English, so maybe pictures are necessary.

If you look at the picture above, which represents the receiving end-point's session and flow, then it will be considered unlawful under SA Legislation if the communication is intercepted and the system from which data is obtained is not physically in the RSA with relation to Level 1 through 3, then the data is unlawfully obtained and cannot be used to incriminate any juristic person under South African law, of involvement with whatever data was intercepted, by altering, creating, transmitting or destroying such data, without concrete evidence and factual data linking the suspect to the transmission of whatever cyber crime was committed. 

Just be careful before you blame us because you were impersonated and we did an affordability check on you, because we don't know what you look like and who you are in the world. If you give us an ID number when we request it from you or whoever is pretending to be you, we are legally allowed, and actually obliged, to ensure you can afford the monthly costs of the services we offer before we close a sale. We will be held responsible for over-indebting you if we recklessly just hand out accounts and services to every Tom, Dick and Harry that requests information and provides us an ID Number and verbal consent to do an affordability assessment, then not doing so, granting you a service and you defaulting on payment because you're actually piss-poor, was impersonated  and it wasn't you that requested the service in the first place. We honestly hope this makes sense to South African consumers. If you want more information, visit the Regulator's site at www.ncr.org.za - if you have any questions, you may ask our legal team to clear matters up, but we charge by the hour or part thereof. If you are a South African by birth, before 1994 and the transformation of our country, and you do not know the differences between the Usury Act and the NCA, or what to do in the event of suspected identity theft, confirmed theft, and processes to follow, what to lodge and who to speak to, we will gladly arrange an appointment to visit you at a place of your choosing, then demonstrate the process flow, and give you contact names and numbers of fraud prevention services and even laboratories that do forensic investigations, and we will gladly provide them with whatever data they require to prove our non-involvement in your personal intolerance and discriminatory behaviour. 

Again, we will gladly send you a quotation for the consultation and to provide the data you require, but we do not make house-calls if you're an idiot that blames us for stealing your identity. In that case, make sure of your facts first, as mentioned, then go on a rampage of threatening and swearing at the founder of a company that already has 2 civil suits pending against you and is in possession of evidence of your criminal conduct, wrote the statement and reported it to the police, because you're a wanted accomplice in a Schedule 8 offense already and just thought because you haven't been arrested yet that you can act with impunity. 

We have recently been the target of an underhanded syndicate (read: illiterate and criminal family of immigrants that believe committing crimes against humanity and defeating the ends of justice is acceptable by their conduct and blatant ignorance for the law that binds them) but due to our dispersed workforce, they could not abduct anyone or conspire with the criminally insane to rob us at our place of business, or commit hate-crimes and laundering money as they have been doing for decades! Our governance and compliance with technology legislation has thankfully been able to provide local authorities with recordings and identifiable information on those that are implicated and who threatened and intimidated us in hopes to destroy what we've built and created by inception of this company. Thankfully our legal team is working around the clock to bring these offenders to justice and the South African Special Forces, Revenue Service and Commission for Intellectual Property and Companies is working closely with our archives in recovering, investigating, prosecuting and hopefully deporting these offenders back to their homeland! Their offspring are afforded the same rights as SA Nationals due to their birthright, but a kind and willing advocate has offered his assistance in taking the matter as high as the Constitutional Court of SA and ensuring the deportation of the immigrants and incarceration of the remaining offenders. Due to their heinous crimes and underworld activities, our founder has temporarily relocated to a state where he is safe from the monsters that maliciously attempted to deny him his right to life, human dignity, freedom of association, fair labour practice, protection of discrimination on any grounds, and committed uncountable offenses relating to evasion of tax, money-laundering, assault, kidnapping, intimidation, attempted murder, conspiracy, defeating the ends of justice, malicious prosecution and bribing state officials. For those of you that are aware of international relations, you should know that our president has been removed from office for his involvement in corruption and bribery, so we cannot blame these fools for thinking they could commit similar crimes and never face inquiry or recrimination.

Otherwise, it's business as usual and your account manager, support engineer and marketing team are all still safe and unharmed, which means your business can go on, uninterrupted. We do not have an inbound sales call-center, as our sales team seek young bright minds through technology and BI data-sets.